Discernment Counseling

If you or your spouse are considering divorce or separation but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling is designed for you.


Discernment Counseling is a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage. It is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of  the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help–and the other is  “leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.

I will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move towards divorce or take a time out and decide later.  The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.  The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable.

You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No good guys or bad guys. You will both come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations in session. Why? Because you are starting out in different places. I will respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health. I will emphasize the significance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.

Read more about Discernment Counseling in this blog post Can This Marriage Be Saved?  You may also visit the main Discernment Counseling website.

Note that couples counseling (including Discernment Counseling) is not suited for these situations:

  • When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
  • When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
  • When there is danger of domestic violence